I have a confession.

I’ve been keeping a secret.

Given my ‘health before all else’ lifestyle, it’s pretty damned embarrassing too. But there’s a lesson here so I’m sharing it anyway.

The Effects of Coffee*DEEP BREATH* … okay… here goes:

I’m addicted to a harmful substance… and it’s affecting my health.

It’s coffee.

Now, before you kill yourself laughing and declare “Who Isn’t? So Am I!” hang on a sec.

Sure, coffee isn’t a harmful substance for some … and maybe not for YOU, but it really is for ME.

I started drinking it occasionally because I read that it helps increase metabolism and drinking a cup a day also has a few other interesting health benefits …

… and quite frankly I LIKE THE TASTE.

I also really like that initial jolt after my workout, as I sit down to start my work-day … it perks me up and I get in a good, motivated mood … temporarily.

But, after the initial ‘jolt’ is over, everything changes.

It affects the way I think, I can’t think straight and I get jittery and start to stutter when I talk.

I get into nasty, angry moods and serious funks and depressions, I’m all weepy and really quite miserable in my own head (good thing I work from home, huh?).

I spend tons of time beating myself up for little things that don’t matter and I can’t relax or even get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

And that’s on only ONE CUP A DAY (my usual order is a ‘medium/medium’ which means a medium sized medium roast, please) … but the effects stick with me ALL DAY LONG.

PLUS: the effects get worse and even more pronounced the more often I drink it.

A cup once a week doesn’t make me squirrely like this. But I can’t drink one cup a week. I’m an addict. I admit it. When I’m in it’s clutches I have to have it every… single… day.

And it becomes this automatic thing that I sometimes feel I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER, to stop at the coffee shop on my way home from my workout and grab a cup to take home with me.

I have managed to kick this habit once before. But it wasn’t THIS bad that time.

I broke my coffee maker a couple of years ago and never bothered to replace it, because I had been going through a lesser version of this very thing and had planned to quit anyway.

I considered breaking the coffee maker to be some kind of divine intervention and it made it easier for me to quit because it was less convenient and more expensive to have to go OUT for my ‘fix’. (here’s the post about that: Can’t Resist Temptation? Remove It!)

But a few months passed and I kinda let myself forget WHY I’d quit in the first place. And then I read all this health stuff about coffee.

So I started drinking it again … figuring if I didn’t have a coffee maker conveniently located at home that would stop me from drinking it constantly. In my twisted desire to reconnect with my old but dangerous friend, I rationalized that I could just pop in at the coffee shop once a week for a cuppa joe and I’d be fine.

I told myself I could handle it this time.

I WAS WRONG.

I got hooked all over again. And before I knew it, there I was EVERY DAY stopping in for my desperately needed fix.

And of course, with a coffee a sweet treat is needed. They just go so well together. My weapon of choice? My favourite carb-loaded bakery item: a big hunk of Chocolate Chip Banana Bread. Probably worth about 500-600 calories.

Another confession: I’ve been carrying around an extra 6lbs for a few months.

I haven’t tried very hard to get it off, figuring I know HOW to get it off, and I’ll do it when I feel like it.

The truth is that this kind of sugary snack (combined with a dose of too much caffeine) doesn’t keep one feeling full and satisfied for very long and daily I’d find myself SO ravenous a couple of hours after my coffee and sugar-treat that I’d want to chew off my own arm … or eat something SUPER filling to relieve myself of my starvation … usually more carbs.

Carbs are like that … very addictive and once you start the cycle of peaks and crashes it’s hard to get the hell off.

And the worst part is I KNOW ALL THIS in my head. But my coffee addiction was completely overruling my actions. Addiction is like that.

So anyway, at that point in the day I’d have already consumed MORE than my daily caloric allotment and with still another 8 hours before bedtime, getting these few extra pounds off wasn’t gonna happen as long as I was hooked on this daily habit.

Funny thing… without the coffee I don’t feel the need for a gooey treat. IT’S ALL COFFEE’S FAULT.

Okay, it’s all MY fault. This is the monkey on MY back and only I am responsible for my decisions and my actions.

And slowly but surely this addiction, the effects of what it was doing to me emotionally and the few extra pounds it was preventing me from dropping have been taking a toll … and have been sapping my energy …

Sure, it was happening in tiny, almost imperceptible increments, but it was happening.

Every day I just felt a little worse, a little more lethargic, a little less energetic. And most recently I just haven’t felt the same kind of energy to pour into my workouts and my workdays that I used to and I was starting to wake up already feeling foggy and grouchy.

Everything was suffering.

But I just figured I was working out too much and needed a break. I was wrong.

Then it happened: I HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

A couple of weeks ago I had THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE … emotionally, that is.

I spent it being absolutely MISERABLE in my own skin: teary, weepy, full of self-recriminations and in a full-blown and CRIPPLING depression.

I hated myself and everything about myself.

And the worst part is: I KNEW IT WAS THE COFFEE DOING THIS TO ME. But yet I couldn’t snap myself out of it.

You know what they say about addicts … you have to hit rock bottom before you find the strength to walk away.

That day was my ‘rock bottom’. And it’s the last time I’ve had any coffee.

I’ve been ‘clean’ now for a couple of weeks. But it’s not easy.

Every day I have to pass that coffee shop on my way home from my workout and stop myself from going in (remember, I’m hitting the gym these days cuz of all the construction going on in my apartment complex right now, so I’m either driving home from the gym or walking back from my run at the end of my daily sweat-fest).

And, as far as I know there’s no “Coffeeaholics Anonymous” meetings I can attend, or any other support group that would take me even a little bit seriously, so I’m on my own.

Make no mistake… this might mean nothing for YOU…. but for ME: this IS SERIOUS.

Hell, even quitting SMOKING many (many) years ago was easier than THIS.

When I quit smoking it was because I was FED-UP with being a coughing, hacking slave to the cigarette. I didn’t love it anymore. I was done. It was a mindset thing. I decided that was it, and so it was (if you’re a member of my Inner Sanctum Newsletter you already know that whole story … but, if you’re not and you don’t but you WANT to, then check near the top of the sidebar on the right side of this page and get in there to find out how that whole ‘quitting smoking’ thing actually went down).

But I still love coffee. I wish I didn’t have to give it up. But I do.

So, I’m ‘white-knuckling’ my way through it right now.

Every day I want it. Every day I crave it.

Every day I have to remember that awful ‘rock bottom’ day and tell myself “NO” and stay strong … and continue past the coffee shop.

The worst part is, the coffee shop isn’t going to go away. I know I have to live with it there, taunting me, wagging it’s bony finger at me tempting me to “just come in, just smell, there’s no harm in just smelling the coffee is there…?”

But I’m smarter than that. I KNOW if I come in ‘just to smell’, I’m a goner.

And I have to sit across from my friends at brunch while they enjoy coffee, knowing I can’t have any.

I’ll have to find a way to stay strong DAILY in the face of a temptation that’s here to stay and is completely socially acceptable (unlike smoking, drugs or alcoholism).

I know I can’t have coffee anymore. I can’t continue do that to myself. Eventually it will ruin me (this might seem trite to those of you who can handle the effects of coffee, but I can NOT and this is a blatant truth for me).

Staying off coffee is going to have to be a ‘one-day-at-a-time’ thing.

But, doing without my workday-starting ‘jolt’ is the lesser of the two evils than dealing with the effects that happen later … and I believe this is true of ANY drug or other substance that one can become addicted to.

The HAPPY NEWS is that finally those extra few pounds I’ve been carrying and hating are finally melting off … with ease, actually. I know how to do this. It’s simple. But not when you’re in the middle of an addiction. I’ll be right back where I want to be in a month, I expect.

Say No To Coffee

Plus, my old highly charged energy is returning … and YES! My head is clear and I feel happy … all day, not just for an hour!

I am hoping that, with time, the craving will fade and it won’t be so hard to pass by the coffee shop without a bunch of self-pep talk to keep myself from going in.

I didn’t used to be this out-of-control crazy about coffee. I’ve spent years never touching the stuff.

Why it’s got me so hard THIS time is a mystery. But it’s a fact all the same. I’m an addict and I have to treat myself as such.

And, feeling my old (energetic, happy) self return is helping me stick to my resolve.

But, because there’s no real ‘support network’ for something like this, I thought I’d turn to you …

I figured if I ‘out’ myself and make my battle public, it will be easier to stick to it. And you might even have a few words of encouragement for me.

And I also hope my story might help or inspire someone else out there who is struggling with an addiction, whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or even just silly ol’ coffee, like me.

Any addiction CAN be broken. But don’t wait for rock bottom.

Recognize it now and start doing what it takes immediately to get that monkey off your back.

It’ll be better sooner than you think.

That is all. Thanks for being there.


Have a fit, fun and fantastic day.
Girlwithnoname

ps. If you or someone you know is addicted to something harmful to their health, this could help: Drop The Addiction




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